This isn't a negative thing thought, everything I touch and interact with turning to shit. Its quite the opposite, its all I could ever wish for. Nothing is so serious that I can't brush it to the side eventually, any mistake is a joke in the tragic comedy of my life. I've got such reinforcement for it, most people around me are failures. Failures, with the only real difference being there view towards failure.
High school was the biggest failure I can put to my name to date. I think in middle school I started the " I'll work next year" mantra for anything I had to do. So much for that one, now OU is my place of rest, with a student body that is almost 90% from OK. Thats not fair, I think I would dislike them no matter what state they were from. Inside of my creek class one of the girls in the back is beyond retarded. Everything in class, is here reading what iswritten down, in front of me I have frat boys. Oh what fun, one of them actually literally had a shirt with a girl flashing at a frat event on the back. Stars to make it just a little socially acceptable, just a little. Enough to get away with the "Nothing wrong with it", to level criticism. I wish someone would punch him in the face.
I fail at getting over people. I think a week ago, I fondly recalled time with Rita. It wasn't so much the constant fooling around I missed or thought of though. It was the winter watching heroes underneath a down comforter. Her falling asleep on top of me, just laying there doing nothing. It makes me think of that time so fondly, and wonderfully. Time free to be a couple, space to act like one. I was sick once, shortly after telling her this she rang my doorbell, hands my hot chocolate and runs away. The best part about it was that that was my tactic for affection, to do something good and than get the fuck out of there as fast as possible. With a particular girl, I tryed it first and it was golden as much as it was childish. After a long conversation, (aren't they all?) I had to go eat. But I must make a stand! So I spurrted out a true sentence over AIM. "I think you are beautiful, and you don't hear it enough" Followed quickly with me jamming in the keys as fast as possible to make an excuse to run away. Failure is the expected result for doing something good, so we run from success.
Failure is great, its kind of why the venture brothers is the greatest show ever.
Another memory before I go. In lab I sat next to Rita argued with her about pretty much everything. My goal (as arrogant as it was), was to convert her to her true potential, mostly that of being a liberal. I had two crusades that I argued with about people inside of high school, Abortion and Gay Rights. That little back log is irrelevant, but establishes my relationship antagonistic friend from lab. Than one day she said her favorite chocolate, and it spurred a argument of chocolate vs. candy. She enjoyed her flirting with me, and I with her so whatever (she also loves chocolate). Than her birthday was soon, and I said I would get her something to be nice. So I went and bought this particular type of chocolate. Alas! Shyly I giver her a birthday present, the response, "Uh thanks". Flabbergasted and embrased out of my mind, I call her a jurk and leave. I didn't go to lab for three days after that, debate claims mostly to avoid admitting anything. Months later we talked about that while we were together, and she told me that she was shocked, I had not only remembered her birthday and gotten her something, but I had also taken notice of the one time she had said something was her favorite and got her that. I wish I could do more actions like that, its kind of why I like broken people. Something as obvious and self evident to me was shocking to her. That she was a worthwhile person, and it is worth listening to everything she had to say. This and one other event she told me is the reason she started to like me at first, that ones a time for another day thought.
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